Normative Responsibility can be accompanied by pressure because this can often come with expectations of what needs to be done, for who and for when. In a busy world responsibility can feel like an extra thing on the to do list.
What if you were to set responsibility aside for a moment? What if you were to be unreasonable? What would arise in you then? What is it that you would do and say? Seriously. Try it. Speak outloud for three minutes, tell me what you find.
Uncoupling responsibility from pressure is a journey. I notice I form pressure inside of me because of assumptions I hold about the consequences of my actions. If I choose to work now instead of making lunch i'll get this work done, but I'll be hungry, tired and grumpy later. The consequences of what I do or don't do creates fear in me, feeling like I'm not meeting the expectations I have for myself, of the people around me, and that therefore I will ultimately be disliked or rejected, and therefore alone. Sometimes it feels like there are so many competing demands placed on me that it all feels like too much.
What I want is to be with you, but how can I be with you if I abandon me? I am not really with you if I don’t show up with me.
Becoming an Arrogant Woman
This pressure towards responsibility also shows me where I don't trust myself. I’ve been so used to abandoning myself and my own needs to fit in, to be liked and to be accepted, that I need to strengthen the muscle of what it is that feels good to me. It happens in the smallest of moments, when I say yes but I mean no. When was I taught to fear what feels good to me? That I must “sacrifice” myself right now for a larger goal somewhere in the future that I don’t even know the real outcome of. Where was I taught to be so skeptical of pleasure?
I keep reminding myself that this setting will only lead to more situations of sacrifice for a worthy future goal, and that this IS what will be the future outcome. That feeling and those scenarios is what I will reproduce.
More recently I’ve been coming back to myself, bringing my being into my body, bringing my body and real thoughts into my environment, setting boundaries, stating my observations.
Im learning to be an arrogant woman. I think we need more arrogant women. I think more of us need to take responsibility for what it is that we want.
It seems that the only vehicle to relieve this pressure is to trust myself in the present moment, to make the right choice and decision. To trust that what i'm doing right now in the present is exactly what I “should” be doing. That wherever it is I am, is where I'm meant to be, that whatever is being presented in front of me is what's meant to be happening, because I've created it. I can trust it because I have created it, whether I like it or not.
Inner Coherence
Trusting myself in the present moment also means I've attuned my instrument of sensitivity and of my body to notice the information I'm receiving. If it feels good I say yes, if it doesn't I say no and I trust that whatever the consequence of my choice and action is the “right” thing because when i'm in attunement to what's right for me, i'm in resonance with my being, and this is the field that I create around me. This present moment “yes” or “no” doesn't just come from my rational mind, it comes from my emotions, the energy I feel in the room, the sensations I feel in my body, and my larger being. It doesn't mean following what feels good superficially, only to regret what I’ve done later, because one part of me said yes but another part of me said no. Inner coherence takes practice and self honesty.
What mind-boggles me still is that ultimately self service is also a service to others.
I want to lead by example for what it means to live in integrity with my being. I'm enraged at the culture of self-sacrifice or compromise I see in the world because really your hurting yourselves and others in the process.
Do you really know what you want? Or is what you want dependent on what society, your parents expect of you? Or because its just “how it goes”? Or what you think will bring you happiness in the future instead of what's bringing you happiness right now? My fear tells me that the above is so simple and that you might easily dismiss it. From what I’ve observed is that most of humanity is so numb, that you wouldn't even be able to discern what it is that you want in this present moment right now.
The present moment is really all that matters. If you feel good about a choice you’ve made you'll likely reap positive consequences, if you feel bad about a choice you’ve made you'll likely reap negative consequences. So what you're choosing in the present is all that really matters.
On top of that the present moment really does have all of the information you would ever need to make the choice you're making.
Love,
Ines
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